


Dear To Me

by shockvaluecola



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Dirty Talk, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mirror Sex, Mirrors, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay, Praise Kink, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 14:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9076783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shockvaluecola/pseuds/shockvaluecola
Summary: Vax'ildan doesn't seem to understand how precious and loved he is. Gilmore has a plan to fix that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom is full of enablers. Come say hi on [tumblr](http://raylanstitties.tumblr.com/)!

Gilmore had been thinking.

Thinking about Vax, specifically. They’d worked things out a little and the half-elf had acknowledged that he had a heart too full of love to be denied. Apparently, polyamory was much-practiced among the Ashari, although it wasn’t called that, and while it had felt a little strange at first, Keyleth had guided Vax and Gilmore along into this comfortable triangle they now occupied. All Gilmore and Keyleth needed between them to make this work was friendship, which they had in spades, and trust, which they only needed a little of. Not much had changed in their lives, really, except that Gilmore felt more free to be affectionate with Vax, and sometimes, Vax came to his door at night. Gilmore didn’t really need anything else; the knowledge that Vax loved him, and that Vax knew he was loved, was enough.

Or so he thought, because Vax still had this look half the time. He usually had it when he knocked on Gilmore’s door, and he usually got it when Gilmore touched his back or kissed his cheek anywhere they might be seen. Gilmore had had plenty of time to ruminate on that look, approaching the problem with a discerning mind, and he was pretty sure he’d teased out the individual threads of emotion. There was fear there, and guilt, and that odd sort of inferiority that came when someone felt they had been rejected or embarrassed themselves that wasn’t quite pure humiliation. The sum of it was that Vax felt unworthy a lot of the time, not in an awed, put-you-on-a-pedastal way (which, while not necessarily healthy, would have at least been an ego boost), but in a way where he was constantly afraid of being thrown out. And of course, Vax being Vax, he couldn’t help wearing it on his sleeve.

So the next time Vax knocked on Gilmore’s door, and Gilmore led him to the bedroom, there was a new addition. Vax raised his eyebrows when he saw the full-length mirror, standing alone in a corner.

“Vanity getting the better of you, Shaun?” he asked with a teasing tone. Gilmore smiled indulgently, but didn’t take the bait for banter. He just brought his hands up, gently cupping Vax’s jaw as his fingers got tangled up in that long, dark hair.

“You know you’re very dear to me,” he said, voice quiet. “Don’t you, Vax’ildan?”

The look was starting to creep onto Vax’s face, so Gilmore kissed him before it could gain traction. 

“You know you’re very dear to me,” he said again, eyes closed and forehead pressed against Vax’s. “Don’t you, Vax’ildan?”

“Gil, what-“

Gilmore just kissed him again, longer. Vax tried to make it fast and filthy, so maybe he wouldn’t have to face whatever was happening right now, but Gilmore refused to rise to it. He wasn’t always good at refusing Vax’s bait, Abadar knew, but this was important. It was important to him, _vital_ to him, that Vax understand that he was welcome here, and worthy, and precious, and loved. 

Slowly, Vax gave in, as he always did, matching the pace Gilmore set and melting against him, leaning that lithe body into his. Vax was wearing a few parts of the Deathwalker’s Ward, not all of it, not enough to get all the benefits of the enchantment, but enough to offer him a little protection as he walked the streets of Whitestone. Too paranoid and battle-worn to go unprotected, but unwilling to deal with how long full armor would take to remove. It was easy to find the laces that kept the bracers and jerkin fitted close to Vax’s body, pulling them loose one-handed while the other wrapped around the back of Vax’s neck, holding him into that kiss.

They were both a little short of breath when he finally pulled back, helping Vax out of the tunic and pulling off the bracers, handing them to him to be set aside. With a sly glance over his shoulder, he shimmied out of his undershirt, too, and bent to pull off the boots of haste. Gilmore chuckled and let him put on the show, but he stepped up and put his hands on Vax’s waist, a tender and gentle touch. There was just the slightest pause in Vax’s movement, something he probably wouldn’t have picked up on if they hadn’t been within inches.

“You don’t know what I’m up to,” Gilmore predicted. “Because I don’t normally make it this hard to hide from your feelings. Is that right?”

A longer pause this time, and then a nod. Vax pushed his leather trousers down.

Gilmore leaned in, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “I have a purpose, my bird,” he whispered. “It breaks my heart, you know, when you come to me fearing that I’m going to throw you out like trash.”

“Well, yeah,” Vax said, still facing away. He sounded maybe a little shamefaced, but mostly entirely too casual for Gilmore’s tastes. “I’m-“

Gilmore clapped a hand over his mouth. “I will not tolerate you putting yourself down, Vax’ildan. I mean to prove to you that the rejection you’re waiting for will not happen.”

He let Vax turn to look at him with wary eyes. Gilmore lowered his hand, and gave him a smile when Vax didn’t try to say anything else. “Now,” he said, stepping back and spreading his hands. “Are you going to help me out of these robes, or do I have to do everything myself?”

Gilmore’s words were already having an interesting effect. Vax set to the task with his usual eagerness, loving everything about Gilmore’s body as it was exposed, but there was a care he took with it now, a reverence he didn’t usually have. It was…a little intoxicating. As Vax knelt to help Gilmore slip out of his shoes, he felt himself filled up with a dark urge to have Vax worship him like this always, to see him undone by nothing but his own desire, and the power of Gilmore’s glory.

It was a thought that would feel ridiculous if he weren’t in the heat of the moment, and that aside, it wasn’t what Vax needed right now. It was a selfish want, and this was to be about showing Vax _his_ worth, not Gilmore’s. Neither of them was confused about that.

When they were both naked, down to the cord restraining Vax’s hair and the thick gold ring through the head of Gilmore’s cock, he pulled Vax up into another kiss, allowing himself to slide a hand down and squeeze that delectably squeezable ass. The hitch in Vax’s breath and the way he pressed close made Gilmore smile, and he pulled away.

“Just a moment, my love,” he promised with a kiss to Vax’s forehead, and he stepped away, retrieving a small, familiar jar from a drawer near the bed. He already had it open and two fingers slick with it by the time he came back, kissing Vax again and reaching down to rub those slick fingers over his hole. Vax’s arms went around his neck as he whined in his throat and squirmed a little, looking for some way to spread himself open and finding none, needing both feet on the ground to support his weight. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want something?” Gilmore couldn’t help teasing, smiling as he did, and the growl Vax answered him with was worth it. He chuckled, letting one finger slide inside Vax’s well-practiced hole, but it withdrew almost immediately and Gilmore motioned with his head toward the bed. “On your back, feet on the floor, if you please.”

Vax was quick to comply, laying crosswise on the bed, feet on the floor as requested. Gilmore knelt between his legs and nudged Vax forward with his dry hand until his hips were just at the edge, then reached up between, sliding a finger back inside him. The moan Vax gave out sent shocks straight to Gilmore’s cock, but he steadied himself, and bent to slide his tongue up the length of Vax’s cock.

The choked sound he made was more than worth it, and Gilmore chuckled as he slid a second finger in, paying lots of attention to the head. Vax was squirming and panting under him, Gilmore could feel the fluttering of muscles around his fingers as he tried to pull them further in. Like before, he didn’t rise to the bait, keeping it slow and steady as he pleasured Vax with mouth and fingers, working him open and working him up. Once he decided Vax was ready, he stopped, sliding his fingers out and pulling his mouth away with a last, lingering kiss pressed against the very tip.

“The chair, I think,” Gilmore suggested, as though it was a whim. Vax was too needy to argue, sitting up and letting Gilmore go first to sit in the armchair kept in the room. He also didn’t seem to notice when Gilmore stopped Vax’s attempt to climb up and straddle him, encouraging him to remain facing away and back up onto it. So focused was Vax on the feeling of sliding down on Gilmore’s cock, eyes shut tight and head thrown back, that he didn’t even notice that they were sitting in front of the mirror.

“Jesus fuck,” Vax exclaimed, jumping when he opened his eyes and caught sight of himself. “Shaun, what-“

“I want you to see yourself,” Gilmore said, arranging them so he could see Vax in the mirror and oh, wasn’t _that_ a pretty sight. Vax’s pale, lanky form contrasted with Gilmore’s swarthy skin in the moonlight that shone through the window, and he looked _glorious_. His legs were spread, cock standing out proud and damp from his body, and it was _just_ visible where Gilmore’s cock disappeared inside him. Moonlight spilled across his chest, showing his pink nipples and the subtle lines and shadows of muscle under the skin.

“Gilmore,” Vax breathed, and shut his eyes tight.

“Open your eyes, my bird,” he murmured, running one finger along Vax’s jawline. “See how beautiful you are. See yourself as I see you, and see what a fool I’d be to let you go.” He fitted both hands under Vax’s thighs and began to rock them together, using the leverage of his hold so his hips weren’t doing all the work.

“I…I don’t…” Vax’s hands were fluttering, unsure, but he was keeping his eyes open as ordered.

“Lace your fingers behind my neck, my bird,” Gilmore instructed, and Vax obeyed, moaning at the results. It felt good to be given an instruction when he felt unsure, to have Gilmore’s hand guiding him, and the position stretched him out, put his entire body on display. It was hard to even register that that was _him_ , that this was truly what he looked like. A breath came harsh and his cock twitched, and he tried to tell himself it was because of Gilmore moving inside him.

“There you are,” Gilmore said with a smile. “Oh, you feel so _good_ around my cock. If I could keep you here for years, I would,” he growled, turning his head into Vax’s neck and baring his teeth against the skin without biting. Vax was trying to move now, rocking his hips on his own, so Gilmore moved his hands away and ran them up Vax’s inner thighs, dangerously close to his cock but not touching it. 

“You turn pink so easily,” Gilmore observed, giving that inner thigh a little pinch just to see blood rush to the surface. “Next time perhaps I’ll let you see yourself after you’ve sucked me off, with that mouth red as an apple. It’s absolutely _lethal_ , Vax’ildan, and you don’t even know how beautiful you look.” He fell quiet with a sigh, taking awhile to just enjoy it as Vax rode him.

Vax tilted his hips, and Gilmore knew he’d found the right angle when his whole body jerked. It was easy, with the hard curves of the ring through Gilmore’s cock making such a good focus point for it. “There’s a good boy,” Gilmore rumbled, and brought his hand up to cup Vax’s balls, still refusing to touch his cock. “Ah, look, you’re already turning pink. That cock looks so needy, doesn’t it, you’re positively _dribbling_.” It was true, pre-come forming a bead at the tip that ran down in a stream at the next thrust, leaving a trail all the way down to Gilmore’s fingers. 

“Please, Shaun,” Vax whined, fingers digging into his neck. “Please touch me, I wanna come so bad.”

“Mmm, and you deserve to come,” Gilmore purred, squeezing and massaging the sack gently. “But I’m not going to touch you.”

Vax made a desperate noise, spreading his legs wider and pushing his hips forward, as if to present himself. “ _Please_.”

“No. If you want it, my boy, then _take it_.”

The design of this was deliberate. Vax _could_ come without having his cock touched, but only when the wind was blowing on alternate Thursdays — it wasn’t easy by any means, but if he’d been given an instruction, he tended to stick to it. Eventually, though, he had to get desperate enough to touch himself, to chase his orgasm the best way he knew how, and if Gilmore could get him to disobey and end up praised for it, maybe it would do something good for him. Make him understand that he was loved for being here, for being himself, not for being _good_ , whatever that could possibly mean. Gilmore wanted to communicate that it was safe to do so, without explicitly telling him to do it. If he went that far with it, the point would be lost.

“My cock must feel so good inside you,” Gilmore murmured, taking hold of Vax’s hips to move him again. “You must want to come so badly. That’s how it looks, doesn’t it?”

Vax was still obediently keeping his eyes open, and he nodded absently, eyes fixed on his own body. They fell to his cock and he gave a needy whine, making Gilmore smile. 

“You make such beautiful sounds, you should hear yourself.” Gilmore couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the reflection of Vax’s cock now, entranced by the physical evidence of how much he wanted this, how good Gilmore made him feel. “You’re so beautiful, my boy, I want to keep you here forever and make you moan like this for me every day. Are you going to come for me?”

He was met with a frustrated groan. “Not without you touching me,” he bit out.

“Then I suppose I’ll just have to fuck you as long as I can.” Vax let out another groan — Shaun’s stamina was superhuman, when he wanted it to be. They could be here for _awhile_ if that happened. Shaun just laughed as Vax leaned forward, planting his hands on Shaun’s knees so he could lean forward and focus. It broke the letter of the instruction he was given, but not the spirit, so long as Vax’s eyes stayed open and fixed on his own body in the mirror, now cast in shadow and sheened in sweat. The position let him drive himself down on Gilmore’s cock harder, though, fucking himself with determination, so he was hardly going to complain. And it was one step closer to disobeying an instruction and making himself come.

“Are you thinking about it?” Gilmore asked, wanting to prod Vax along the way. “Are you thinking about how good it would feel to give that pretty cock some relief? About spurting all over my nice floors, watching yourself as your back arches and you stretch out that gorgeous neck, about this delectable ass clenching down on my cock over and over? About-“

He didn’t get any further before Vax made a desperate, almost panicked sound and finally broke, grabbing his cock and stroking frantically. Gilmore hissed out a _yes_ , fucking him harder as a reward, and it was only seconds before Vax was crying out, nearly screaming, and coming so hard Gilmore thought he might hit the mirror. By some miracle, Gilmore saw that he managed to keep his eyes open all the way through it, still fixed on himself, and the expression on his face looked like he might cry. He was going to have to unpack that later, but Gilmore thought, tentatively, that just maybe, maybe it was a good thing.

He let go of Vax’s hips, despite his cock still throbbing. He didn’t want to hurt Vax, and he knew that continuing past the point of orgasm was usually uncomfortable for him. They were only like that for a few seconds though before Vax, quick as a cat and twice as lithe, pulled himself off and turned, sliding down to his knees all in one fluid motion. Gilmore thought about stopping him, at least long enough to clean off first, but then Vax’s mouth was on him and he decided that Vax knew his own body’s cleanliness, and if he was comfortable with this, well, it felt too good to stop him. Gilmore groaned and let his head fall back against the chair as Vax sucked him expertly, one thick-fingered hand sliding into the half-elf’s hair to guide him. The piercing never even seemed to bother him as he swallowed Gilmore down like his favorite treat, and it only took a minute before he joined Vax on the other side.

Panting, he lifted his head again and looked down at Vax, who was pressing lazy, worshipful kisses to Gilmore’s softening cock. It made him shiver, but he promised himself to explore this later, leaning forward and bending to kiss Vax, slow and languid again. Vax didn’t try to hide behind desire this time, returning it wholeheartedly, with such earnestness and love that it made Gilmore’s chest ache. When he pulled back, he kept their foreheads pressed together for a moment before shifting to get up, moving them both on shaky legs to the bed.

Once they were settled in, Gilmore pressed a kiss to Vax’s forehead and whispered. “You know you’re very dear to me,” he whispered. “Don’t you, Vax’ildan?”

“I know,” Vax whispered back, and burrowed down further into his chest.


End file.
